From Bad to Worse

     You know the old saying, "It can't get any worse"?  Well let me tell you that actually, it can.  Much worse.
     Last night I was trying not to watch the election return news because when I checked, I was shocked at the very depressing news.  Then, when I was about to go to bed and cry myself to sleep the phone rang.  It was about 2:00 AM and I almost didn't.  However, I decided to look at the caller ID.  The call was from Maple Manor Nursing Home.  My heart sank as I picked up the phone.  Bad...
     The person on the phone was the nurse taking care of my mother.  He was calling to let me know that mom's condition has suddenly deteriorated.  Her extremities were mottled and she was now unable to get out of bed and not able to eat or drink.  We decided to place mom in palliative care.  So now I was forced to face the passing of my mother.    Worse...
     I drove down to Rochester around noon after canceling appointments and arranging motel reservations.  Since getting here I have been sitting at mom's bedside talking, holding her hand and remembering all the wonderful times we had.    My sister Joy is with us, my brother Ken was here and mom had visitors from family friends.  Memories are flowing, no tears yet...  Worse.....
      As far as I am concerned, there is nothing worse than watching someone you love drift slowly towards the end.  Mom has had dementia that has slowly robbed her of life.  As we watch the light in her eyes dim and go out, the pain is immense.  We know that she will no longer be in pain and she will be with dad but still letting go is so hard.  I wish that for one short time, even just a few minutes, I could have a conversation with mom.  A conversation like we used to have.  Talking about our lives, sharing memories and laughing.  Just a few minutes.....   Worse.......
  So, we watch, we wait and we hope all will be well in the end.   Better?


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