I Hate Cancer - Part 2

     It is the holiday season, it is supposed to be the happiest time of the year.  Right?  Yet, there is a dark cloud hanging above our house this year.  And weather, politics, money, or any of the other usual holiday depression makers are not the reason for that cloud.  And that cloud fades my holiday spirit as it wilts and fades a holiday wreath.
     As I told you in my last post, my second brother was dying from terminal cancer.  As of now, he is still living and proving that he really is tough and strong, that his tough exterior is not just a show.  But, the cancer is still there, hanging over my brother and his family this holiday like that dried up holiday wreath. 
     Plus, a week and a half ago, I had a colonoscopy and surgery to remove a polyp and a bad looking spot near my anus.  The bad looking spot was removed and is located in a place where I am reminded of it through pain and blood every time I have a bowel movement.  (I know, TMI)  And sitting for long periods isn't too pleasant either.  The bright spot, the polyp removed from my colon is not cancerous and the large spot removed from the outside is only precancerous.  So for the moment, all is good in that neck of the woods.  The ribbon on our wilting holiday wreath was still a bright shade of red. 
     But now another close family member has cancer.  My sister-in-law just told us that she has terminal cancer.  Hers is breast cancer that was somehow missed until now.  It has spread to her liver and bones and she has begun chemotherapy in an effort to slow and perhaps stop the spread.  She remains positive and her attitude is inspirational but still the cloud thickens.  Now the holiday wreath has wilted and the red ribbon once again has faded along with our holiday spirit.
     Two brothers and a sister-in-law all diagnosed with cancer within a year and a half?  Plus my ongoing battle with anal cancer since 2004.  I am finding optimism to be a difficult thing to find these days.  Yet, I know there are people who are much worse off than we are.  People who are born into extreme poverty, people who never know the feeling of love, people who face war and torture on a daily basis.  People who lose loved ones die way before happy memories can be made.  People who suffer and die from the very disease that I fight.  People dying of disease without access to any medication or healthcare that I sometimes take for granted.  People who have never known a happy holiday. 
     So I must concentrate on the positive.  There is the fact I have been loved by my brothers and sister-in-law and I have loved them in return.  I have known them, learned from them and shared wonderful times with them.  I have been spoiled by their love and attention and I have seen the concern in their eyes and heard concern in their voices.  I have so many fabulous memories of the happy times with them that I will share with anyone who will listen.  I have been so very lucky to have had them in my life.  And I remain lucky to have so many more fantastic and loving people still in my life.
     So now, in spite of the cloud, in spite of the faded and wilted wreath, I will try to keep a bit of holiday spirit alive and try to share as much of it as I can.  Because after all, this is the happiest time of the year.  Right?

 

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