"Our dead are never dead to us, until we have forgotten them."

     This morning I learned that my brother, Ron, had died.  He was fighting stage four lung cancer that had spread to his bones and seemed to be moving very quickly.  He was 66 years old.
     I have mixed feelings about his death.  Partly because Ron and I have not gotten along for about 30 years.  And partly because suffering with cancer as he did, death must have been a relief, not only for him but for those around him.  Still, Ron is the first of my siblings to die and no matter what, I do find that hard to accept.  I just hope Ron is able to find the peace in death that he was not able to find in life. 
     I do really feel sad for those who, in spite of all Ron's shortcomings, continued to stand by him and love him.  My nephew Morey has never had it easy and his relationship with his father has been rough at times.  Still, Morey stood by Ron and loved him.  Ron's adopted daughter, Laurie, has been the same.  In the end she and Morey were there to help and give him love and attention.  Ron's (new) wife, Candy, has been with Ron for 13 years or so and she was with him in the end.  Oh, and I forgot to mention Ron's other daughter, Katie. I have never actually met her but have heard about her from Morey. I hope you will keep her in your thoughts as well.
     There was a time when I thought I might be the first of the 5 siblings to leave this earth.  Certainly, that would not have been my choice, but I came so very close twice.  Because I nearly died those two times in 2002, I know that death is not something to be feared.  I found that it was very peaceful and calming to be able to just let go.  I do hope that Ron found it that way too.
     I do have some good memories of times spent with my next older brother and I will carry those memories with me as long as I live.  I am sorry for his family and I am sorry he suffered before he died.  And a small part of me is sorry that Ron never found the courage to say to me that he was sorry.

     RIP Ronald Gale Bandel   1948 - 2014


Popular posts from this blog

Life goes on... and on... and..........

What I have learned about depression